Thursday, July 28, 2011

Texts from My Mother

If I ever want to make myself cry, all I need to do is read the texts that my mom sends me out loud to friends.

They are that funny. Laugh so hard you cry funny.

First off, you need to be able to translate what she writes:

This says - "Going to San Francisco today. Can you visit the dogs (on your lunch break)? Home at 5pm. Dad has a check up at the doctor."

h6e apparently is how my mother texts the word HOME.
Like I said, you may need a translator.

But she sends some pretty cute texts as well. They make me laugh, and glad that she is my mama:

We had gone to iHOP for lunch that day. She is telling me that she enjoyed it. We also had talked about our European Cruise this summer. She is a little bit excited (and so am I).

Then there was the text-bombing that took place last summer while she and my dad were in Hawaii (over his birthday), and I stayed at their house watching the dogs. The best is when she includes pictures. Though I seriously question her thinking that her daughters really want a picture of their dad sunbathing...

See if you can follow along: 

I really can't help but reply in mom-speak myself.

It's kinda like telegram operator status. STOP.
Get it? STOP.

Also, please note how she suggested I invite some friends over.
It's like she is scheduling playdates for me again.
Thanks Mom.

I love that she calls it "mango t." and she is having it NOW. My dad is biking NOW. and she is hungry NOW.

And here is where it gets good - it was my dad's birthday while they were in Hawaii, and here is the sequence of texts she sent me. 

Also, my mom is one of those "live it up when you get old" type of people, she likes pouring old people a second glass - and she always says she doesn't want to live to get old and gray, so she may need to take up smoking, drinking, and not wearing sunscreen to prevent that from happening. She is just silly. And kinda funny.

And then there is this last gem...

Boarding is a choice? I have NO CLUE WHAT THAT MEANS.

Anyway, they just got back from their Hawaii trip THIS year. Dad's birthday again. And there was an entire bee sting/spider bite incident that involved a trip to the ER. You KNOW that I have some good texts from that.

Don't worry. I will share with you.

PS There are e-mails too....


  1. Your mom is hilarious! I love all the texts you shared! Thanks for my laughs for the day!

  2. That was the most adorable thing I have read. Ever.

  3. BEST. POST. EVERRRRR. i totally get Band Aid. boarding is a choice. like you don't have to leave paradise. like she is sad but it's her fault. b/c she could stay forever if she wanted to. texting is also a choice. maybe she shouldn't do that either?

  4. How fun is she? I love her spunkiness(made up word) and the fact that she even texts' is awesome. My mom doesn't even do that.. a lot of people I know still don't text. Yay for your mom!! :)

  5. I've enjoyed your blog for awhile now, but this post made me laugh out loud. Your mom is a hoot! I can't wait to see more texts in the future!
    PS I think she meant boarding is a "chore" cuz it's totally awful on so many levels!!
    PPS I think it's totally awesome that you and your mom are so close. :)

  6. I love that you translated these. I would have been lost.

  7. soooo funny! I always translate my mom's texts too!

  8. 2 frkn fny! that's how my mom text. just take out the vowels. MKAY! LOL
    She(my mom) just got a dog he's her new baby. i'm slightly jealous of the big fur baby. When she leaves him at home for the day Oh Law, help us.
    have you read the help? my new fav thing to say is Oh Law. i think i'm driving my fam crazy. LOL
    ok i'm rambling. HAVE A GREAT DAY! ;-P

  9. laughing out loud. for reals.
    oh man. your mama and mine are two texting peas in a pod. total hoot. my pops uses proper grammar and punctuation all. the time. well, except that he puts like four spaces
    between every word like this.
    AND signs every text with his full name. lol.

    miss you.

  10. First of all, your mom is awesome in that she texts, period! Second, she's hilarious!!! Hungry NOW. lol! LOVE IT!!! You need to keep these and print them into a book!

  11. if i didn't love your mom before, this just confirmed it.

    also, i think our moms need to stop giving each other texting lessons. nothing good can come of it.

  12. hilarious. like dave letterman with the random paper clippings hilarious.