Friday, June 15, 2012

Damn Bird.

I had to.

I have been on Team Bird for years.
Last summer, I told you about my obsession with the birds trying to make nests in the rafters of my building's walkways - here and here.

I checked on the tiniest little egg in our building's gate (a hummingbird maybe?) daily for almost a week, until it was viciously removed disappeared.

Last month, I even shared a pic of the birds that had the longest lasting next this year.
They lasted over a week before the maintenance guy found them.
Unheard of.
But due to the construction, the maintenance guy didn't do any work on our floor for a week.
I had such hope for this little baby.
But in the end, it wasn't even the maintenance guy, it was my downstairs neighbor.
He didn't care that the egg was probably just about to hatch.
He just took it down and threw it all away.
Peace out embryo.

I was really rooting for that bird.
All of the birds.

I have been taking pics of the birds all spring and summer.
Waiting for the right time to figure out how to post about them.
I mean, how many nest fails can I document.

A lot.

So, you see.
This is where the drama happens.

About two weeks ago, I noticed a couple of twigs hanging out of my dryer vent.
Also, I noticed some birds sitting on the railing outside my front door every morning, but nowhere for them to nest.
I know you know where this is going.

Sidenote: I moved into my condo almost 7 years ago. The dryer ducts had just been cleaned, and they should be cleaned every two years.
I have never had mine cleaned.
I called the guy last year to come out and do it, but he asked me to call him back and I forgot.

Anyway, where were we?
Oh yes.

Then last Friday or something as I was waiting for the elevator with my neighbor, he mentioned that him and another neighbor saw what looked like a bird coming out of my dryer vent.
I was like GREAT.
I need to have that cleaned anyway.

Monday, driving to work, I hear a news report about Robert DeNiro's house practically burning down from a dryer vent story.

Monday, after work, my other neighbor, the second witness to the bird sitch, who also happens to be the nest destroyer. Crusher of bird dreams, also mentioned the bird sighting. But that they had seen my dryer being used later that day, and air was flowing no problem.

Still needed to call the duct guy, but no serious urgency.

Tuesday I posted this on Instagram, with the caption that I needed to do laundry.

Which I didn't do.

Wednesday morning I woke up to a horrific stench.
Coming from what I thought was possibly the plumbing in my bathroom.
But it wasn't.
I ran the shower.
Cleaned the toilet.
Wiped down the sink.
The stench was still quite potent.

I used my sniffer, and ended up in front of my washer/dryer.
Checked the washer for moldy clothes.

Opened the dryer door.
Something died in there.

I Yelped dryer duct cleaners ASAP.
Thankfully, a very nice duct cleaner was my second call.
(First call was very rude. Thanks, but no thanks rude guy.)
And he would be out the next day.


A full 80 degree day later.

My house was LOVELY last night.
Swoonworthy, really.
But, I digress.

I think he was a bit skeptical of my dead bird theory at first.
Until he approached the dryer.
He removed the ductwork, which reeked.
But we didn't really inspect it.
And we decided it needed to be replaced all together.
He cleaned the vent thoroughly, and no bird guts were found.

I was DYING (har! har!) to know IF there was ACTUALLY a dead bird in there.
But I didn't want to seem like a total loon.
He ended up checking for me by emptying the duct in the parking lot.
So I came down, and told him I needed to take a picture of it.
He thought that was hilarious.
I was on a blogger's mission.

I was relieved.
The source was eliminated.
And decomp city was history.

The damn bird wasn't even one of the doves I have been rooting for in the first place.
So I think I am still on team-build-a-nest-on-our-fire-alarm-but-not-in-my-dryer-vent.
Doves, I have your back.
And baby, you got back. Which is great. Because you can't fit in my dryer vent.

But, sparrows, you are so DEAD TO ME.

And figuratively.

PS one KA giveaway is going on, up in heeee-yah. Chickity Check It.


  1. Oh you have cat to be kitten me right meow.
    (I've been dying to use that).
    Moving on. This was hilar.

  2. poor little bird(s).

    i had a mouse die in my dryer vent (which has never been cleaned out?!?) last year. took a few days of wreak to discover where the stench came from. ick.

  3. So glad the bird sitch is taken care of! I'd be cheering for the 'good' birds still too.

  4. i am NOT team bird right now thanks to that damn pair mocking birds.
    anyway super glad you got rid of the stench. gross.

  5. I think I am on team baby-bird-in-an-egg but not on team real-flying-chirping-wake-me-up-on-the-weekend-bird... glad to see the story behind the ig pic :) Have a great dead-bird-free weekend!

  6. NO way! That is insane! And hilarious! And ridiculous. Now I'm scared of dryer vents.

  7. Kaylee is in big trouble. That's what I get for being so tardy to this batcrap party.

  8. My hubby has this weird talent (?) of hitting birds with his car. I've honestly lost count. No joke. He had one in the grill of his car that he claims he forgot about for three months. It was winter so it was frozen in there. So gross.

  9. I'm going to show a little bit of my nerdy bird lady side here, so be warned:
    doves are notoriously lame nest builders.
    They put three sticks together and think they have a nest.
    {actually i think doves are kind of dumb in general. it's just a vibe i get from them.}
    We have so many finch nests in our yard right now it's crazy.
    Sorry...was that bragging? :)

    Now on to the dryer vent...that is just horrifying.
    Were you afraid the first load of clothes you dried would smell like bird?
    Blech. I can't even imagine!
    Maybe Mylie needs a kitty cat sister to be on bird patrol.

  10. obviously the best comments have already been given.

    girl. this is wild. damn bird.
    also, keri is dead right, mylie needs a sister of the feline breed.


  11. ok so I am seriously afraid of way to

  12. Oh, no. Poor little thing. I had a blue jay kill all the baby birds in a nest we had. I hate blue jays now... I refer to them as "evil blue jays" and they are dead to me. :P

  13. I am so sorry about your woes, but your re-telling of them was pretty darn funny! :o)