Texts from My Mother

If I ever want to make myself cry, all I need to do is read the texts that my mom sends me out loud to friends.

They are that funny. Laugh so hard you cry funny.

First off, you need to be able to translate what she writes:

This says - "Going to San Francisco today. Can you visit the dogs (on your lunch break)? Home at 5pm. Dad has a check up at the doctor."

h6e apparently is how my mother texts the word HOME.
Like I said, you may need a translator.


But she sends some pretty cute texts as well. They make me laugh, and glad that she is my mama:

We had gone to iHOP for lunch that day. She is telling me that she enjoyed it. We also had talked about our European Cruise this summer. She is a little bit excited (and so am I).

Then there was the text-bombing that took place last summer while she and my dad were in Hawaii (over his birthday), and I stayed at their house watching the dogs. The best is when she includes pictures. Though I seriously question her thinking that her daughters really want a picture of their dad sunbathing...

See if you can follow along: 

I really can't help but reply in mom-speak myself.

It's kinda like telegram operator status. STOP.
Get it? STOP.

Also, please note how she suggested I invite some friends over.
It's like she is scheduling playdates for me again.
Thanks Mom.

I love that she calls it "mango t." and she is having it NOW. My dad is biking NOW. and she is hungry NOW.

And here is where it gets good - it was my dad's birthday while they were in Hawaii, and here is the sequence of texts she sent me. 

Also, my mom is one of those "live it up when you get old" type of people, she likes pouring old people a second glass - and she always says she doesn't want to live to get old and gray, so she may need to take up smoking, drinking, and not wearing sunscreen to prevent that from happening. She is just silly. And kinda funny.

And then there is this last gem...

Boarding is a choice? I have NO CLUE WHAT THAT MEANS.
Hahah!

Anyway, they just got back from their Hawaii trip THIS year. Dad's birthday again. And there was an entire bee sting/spider bite incident that involved a trip to the ER. You KNOW that I have some good texts from that.


Don't worry. I will share with you.

PS There are e-mails too....